I wonder if you ever find yourself surprised that people around you actually have their own lives, their own problems which sometimes resemble those of your own .

Today, browsing through one of the very few blogs I regularly visit every weekend, I stopped for a moment when I saw this postcard. The service I'm talking about is directed to people who want to share their secrets, feelings or tragedies with somebody, yet they can't find anyone around them who would even care to listen. So they create the postcards on their own, cutting photos from the newspapers or the magazines, printing or writing their secrets on the piece of paper, and send them to a post secret mailbox, which are later on published on the website.
The postcard you can probably see on the right (assuming Blogger has not decided to kick it out for some odd reason) reminded me of my ex-girlfriend, with whom I had been with for quite a long time. She also used to love one of my cats, which happens to be mostly black. We also agreed some time ago that it would be better if we stopped talking with each other, since it brings back memories and turns out to be quite painful. For me, for instance. Probably for her too - I never believed her words, when she said she'd managed to cope with the past. Or maybe it's just a jealousy of mine?

Defence mechanism ?

I really understand the chances of her writing & sending that postcard are low, if not to say harshly: none, since -as far as i know - she's quite happy with how the things turned out for her to be - but still..

Well, it's probably obvious that it turned out to be quite difficult for me to deal with the past, to close, lock it and never look back. Now I'm not going to describe my whole relationship with all the funky details, because that's not my aim and - besides - I don't want any of you to fall asleep in front of your computers. Suffice it to say that since the time we've split up [i guess it'll have been two years by now?], I've never met anyone who would mean to me as much as she had used to. That's probably the reason I got so engaged in all the projects & trainings - they keep me away from thinking. And it works quite well, as I'm usually back home at 8-9PM, leaving the house at 7AM.

(But is that any solution?)

And that's the part when the second postcard comes in:

..the funny thing is, she may actually be reading this entry now..

..smile, you're in a candid camera..

One of the most difficult questions you ran on throughout your whole life is when somebody asks you to describe yourself in a few words. I tend to view people as open, neverending books with new chapters added every single day - the Stephen-King-online model; you never know how they are going to behave in a situation you've never encountered them in, and it's obligatory to understand that even people close to you might surprise you in the most unexpected moment. In other words, it's quite confident of you to pretend you know somebody well. Though it could be a subject of discussion, but nevertheless, you probably understand now how awkward I must be feeling to write something, which could be considered as hey-its-my-new-awesome-blog-I-rock-well-hope-i-ll-see-you-again-cheers. Not to mention the fact I rarely speak of myself.

But all right, let's give it a shot.

As for today, I'm an IT & Math student of the Lodz University Math Department, who feels quite lonely in the insensible crowd of people whose world starts and ends either in the IT Matrix or in the hey-guys-i-got-totally-stoned-yesterday-and-shagged-twenty-girls-want-
my-autograph?. Oh, sorry! it's kissed there, not shagged. No offence for the kindergarten.

Yeah, you've probably guessed it by now, I'm quite a romantic type of the guy, somewhat 70/80-ish. This is probably one of the major reasons I don't really like the direction modern world is heading towards. It's not really about the war in Iraq, as I can actually see pros and cons for the Bush's decision, and can somewhat understand his point of view. Nor pr0n, violence in the movies, and so on. What I really resent the world for is the way people nowadays treat each other, or - should I rather say - disrespect. I don't really know how it used to be 100 or 200 years ago, and I certainly understand that every generation tends to complain about how the times have changed and how much they wished it would be like in these good ol' days. Everything is subjective. Still, what I really miss in people is honesty, honour and understanding what friendship is really all about. Up to now, I found these in people I could count on the fingers of one hand.

Sad. Or maybe it's just me, I really find it difficult to trust someone. It takes time.

Sometimes a lot of it.


Anyway, what I'm going to write about, is not only about the way I perceive the world, people and events taking place around me, though I'm not going to conceal that it's the main reason that drove me to creating this blog. I'm also a programmer myself [generally interested in the area of the modern 3D graphics, but compression algorithms also absorb me] so I'm planning to publish some posts about my current work from time to time.

Basically, I'm not planning to scare you off with some major geek stuff - I'll leave it to people who drain satisfaction from such behaviour, as there's nothing else they are able to do than that. What I really like to do is to introduce complex problems to an average John and see him understand, what I'm really talking about.

Hope you'll take a peek at this blog from time to time :) Cheers!