..one of these chaotic 1AM posts..

I can sense mental deterioration, lurking very deep inside of me. It's a funny feeling when everything you can do about such a state is to name all the things and people who you are sure have nothing to do with the whole problem. Still, if somebody notices something and asks you: what's going on? what's the matter? you blindly look in the person's eyes , searching for the answer, and then all that is left to do is to to put your head down.

The answer is relatively simple: there are no answers. It could be everything, starting from irrational things like politics, social tendencies, irresistible winter cold, ending at spiritual imbalance, unexplainable mood fluctuations.

Or maybe it is religion? War in Iraq, muslims, Islam, the whole thing happening at the moment? Polish government semi-standards?

Fuck that. At least I've got a cute, smart girlfriend. :) ..I shouldn't care so much about the further world that doesn't give a shit about single units..

My biggest fear is that this is not my kind of devil, because there can't be no devil if there is no God, and if there were any God, it would never allow such suffering. I see people ground up in the gears of this anarchy, I see people in anguish. I've come to believe that we are living in a great void. On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.